My Other Daugther

A few weeks ago I wrote about my daughter Anna.  But few know I actually have another daughter, at least I have always thought of her as a girl.  She is not someone I talk about very much, but I think about her and it’s around this time of year that I think about her more often.

I have never seen her, but I can only imagine what she looks like now.  She probably has long thick brown hair and dark blue eyes and she is most likely tall with a strong German frame, with a slight nod to my Norwegian heritage.  I like to imagine she is reservedly confident, resourceful, works hard to accomplish whatever is placed before her, has a dry wit and a tender heart that feels things deeply.  Knowing only remotely the family in which she was placed, I know she was surrounded with immense love and joy and she no doubt was given every advantage.  I know God has and is going to use her in a mighty way.

Although she is infinitely better off where she is now, I deeply regret not having taken the opportunity to love her better, actually to love her at all…to have cherished her for even a little while by holding her in my arms.  I never hugged or kissed her, never looked into her eyes or brushed the tip of my nose over her baby soft cheek.  I never coupled her head in my hand, let her wrap her fingers over one of mine, or gently run my thumb along the bottom of her tiny little foot only to be awed by the tininess of her toes. I’m sure as a baby she was absolutely beautiful and those that surrounded her were completely taken up with her. And as she grew I think of her having had a shy giggle and having a hugely colorful imagination.   I take a lot of peace imagining her crawling into her Father’s lap, with strong arms being wrapped around her, and tucking her head into His chest and feeling completely safe, loved and cared for.  I like to think of Him having told her how much He loved her, how beautiful she was and telling her of her great worth.  (Oh… how I wish now I could have told her those things.)  I pray she was able to spend as much time in His arms as she wanted.

You see, unlike my daughter Anna, who I love so very much and showed my love to by giving birth to her, my other daughter did not receive that same love from me.  Instead, I ‘chose’ to end her life.  Instead of loving her in all the ways a mother would love a baby (born or unborn), I disposed of her.  Instead of thinking about all the ways she could impact this world, I tossed her aside as if she were worthless.  Only God knows at this point how things would be different; who she would be, whose lives she would have influenced…how God would have used her on Earth.   Each year on this date I think about how old she would be…and this year she would have been 23.

Why am I telling this story now?  Well I guess it’s only because my daughter Anna in a sense gave my other daughter a voice.  And while Anna was thanking me for ‘loving her enough’, I also heard my other daughter’s voice saying, “how come you didn’t love me enough?”  As I’ve been growing closer to God and getting a better understanding of His love for me, I am beginning to value everyone else more. And as I’ve asked God to help me understand my worth to Him (because I believed I didn’t have much if any), He has also shown me the worth of other people.  And how can I possibly love others in this world well, if I have not acknowledged ALL my own children’s worth, which would certainly include my first child.

I’m sorry Baby Girl for not loving you like God wanted me to.  You ARE full of worth.  You are God’s precious creation, made with care and given a purpose even before the world began.  For the short time you were there, you were knit together in my womb by God’s hands.  You are beautifully and wonderfully made!  And although you were never alone having lived these 23 years in the presence of your heavenly Father and his angels and our family members that were already ‘home’, you also have a very large family here on earth with loving parents, siblings, grandmas and grandpas, LOTS of aunts, uncles and cousins.  My beautiful baby… you are wanted, you are precious, you are loved!

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About hisdaughter2

A daughter of the King only through His love and grace.
This entry was posted in Abortion, Love and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to My Other Daugther

  1. margaret says:

    These last postings are so intense. Your experiences WILL be used by God to really help others gain insight into His truths. Thanks for sharing these personal stories.

  2. Anne says:

    You are already being used to send God’s message of love. You are a beautiful, worth-while person. Thank you for writing. Peace!

  3. Sharon says:

    God bless you, my dear Marilou! Please know that you are loved. Always yours, Sharon

  4. Sandy says:

    You are deeply loved and already forgiven. I pray your courage to bring this into the light will be rewarded with the real freedom found in Him. ~Sandy

  5. Gill says:

    I only wish one could show this article to women contemplating abortion or even share it with work colleagues, but here in the UK you lose your job for doing such a thing. Someone tell me how we are ever going to get back to a loving society.

  6. Patsy Gilbert says:

    What a beautiful tribute to the other daughter. I was in tears when I read it. Yes, this needs to be told to others who are contemplating abortion of their babies.

  7. silence dogood says:

    Marilou, I found a link to this post on NRL News Today. Thank you for putting your heart out there in the public domain, and for telling the truth–both the pain and the beauty.

  8. Irene says:

    Dear Marilou,
    You are very brave to share your experience.I want to tell you that I felt very shameful of myself that I have done twice abortion. First time I was not mature and not sure of how to face the responsibility ..as I am in oversea for study..I was very scare. Second time was I were involved with 2 guys and not sure who the father was and not ready to face the problems ahead of me. I very much regretted for doing sure a cruel act. On this note I wish to say “I am deeply very sorry to my 2 unborn child. I love you and please forgive your mummy”. “I hope in the next life I can be your mummy and shower you with love and care”.

    Regretful mum

    • Marilou says:

      The words you just wrote to your babys’ was beautiful! Thank you for sharing such a personal story with me…shame, pain, and regret can be so overwhelming sometimes… I’m sorry you are struggling with these. I have found great love, unbelievable forgiveness, and peace as I am allowing God (Jesus Christ) to heal me of the wounds left by my horrible decisions. It’s my prayer you will experience that as well. Your babys’ are in God’s wonderfully loving arms, along with my little girl.

  9. Julie Hodes says:

    Don’t worry. You will see your baby again and I am sure she will love you.

    • hisdaughter2 says:

      Thank you for your kind words. yes, I will actually see her for the first time! What an emotional meeting that will be!!

  10. Jessica says:

    She is making a difference, and she is serving God’s purpose, even though she isn’t here. Your brave telling of her story brings her to life, and I believe it will change hearts and minds, and bring healing to those suffering with shame and grief. Her life, however brief, will impact so many. God can bring good from any situation. God bless you.

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