Unequally yoked with a fellow believer?


I was reading from 2 Corinthians 6, starting in verse 14.  This passage explains that believers’ in Christ are not to be unequally yoked (bound together, accountable to one another, making life decisions together) with those who are not believers.  This is not to say we don’t associate with unbelievers, because we can’t bring unbelievers to Christ if we don’t walk beside them, care for them, love them.  What we are not to do is have an intimate or soul-bearing relationship with them.  Sharing our inner most thoughts or current struggles or failures with an unbeliever may not only confuse them, but their ‘counsel’ to us or their moral compass may point us in a direction different from God’s will.

But what if this is taken even a step further…can a believer in Christ be unequally yoked with another believer?  Is it wise to be ‘yoked’ with any believer?  A person might assume that a relationship with another brother or sister in Christ is ‘safe’ so therefore put their guard down or be less discerning.  What if that perceivably safe brother or sister is not walking truthfully, humbly, closely or at all with the Lord.  What if they aren’t living a life of obedience, or of love, or grace, or by the Truth?  Wouldn’t that be just as treacherous as being yoked with someone not following Christ?  Functioning under the false security that as long as someone is a believer they can be trusted to provide wise counsel, be a confidant, or will always act appropriately, can be hazardous.

What are your thoughts on believers being unequally yoked?  What is your interpretation of yoked?  Who does this apply to?  Are we called to trust every follower of Christ and to what degree?  What criteria would you use to determine someone’s spiritual maturity?

I look forward to your feedback.

About hisdaughter2

A daughter of the King only through His love and grace.
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12 Responses to Unequally yoked with a fellow believer?

  1. Kate says:

    Interesting blog message – in light of my recent break up with someone I was not equally yoked with. I have been in more than one relationship where I was not equally yoked and it has never worked out and it goes against everything that the Lord wants for me. I do believe we can have close friends that are either believers or non believers. I have seen many people come to Christ that I’ve been friends with. You could be the stepping stones that leads them to Christ. Maybe they have back slid and they were walking tight with the Lord and now they are not. Your love and wise counsel could make all the difference. I think Christ calls us to love one another, however the partner we pick for life we should be equally yoked with. That way you both can grow spiritually. Study the bible together. Grow in God’s word. Apply it. Live it.
    I love reading your blog messages. You are one very cool lady my friend!

    • Marilou says:

      Good examples/reasons for continuing to walk with and love on all people, regardless of the condition of their spiritual life. Do you feel there should be any criteria for determining whether it is appropriate to share intimate issues or struggles with another same-sex person? (I’m making the assumption we all agree opposite sex heart to heart conversations is just asking for trouble.)

  2. Mark says:

    Very thought provoking concept Marilou. I agree that the main point to that passage is between believers and unbelievers but it can very well be applied to relationships between believers. I think we are called to fellowship between believers and a certain unity in the Church but caution should be used when talking about more personal matters with other believers. I have known Christians, even Pastors and Elders, who don’t put Christ first in their decisions and don’t approach matters with a Christ like love. When what is Christ like is not put first then worldliness and selfishness taints what is said. But how can we know who is equally yoked? We need to be involved with other believers, fellowship with them and take the time to know what their walk with the Lord is like. Just because someone has been a friend for many years doesn’t mean he or she is someone that has the maturity to open up intimately with. Through our relationships the Lord will reveal to us those who are in the Word, mature and reliable. God bless you Marilou

    • Marilou says:

      I agree that in order to really know someone’s heart, you do need to spend time with them, walk with them. For me, at this point in time, it would be hard for me to spend a great deal of time with someone without going deeper. I’m tired of fluff and chit chat, but I guess that doesn’t mean you need to jump right into an accountability relationship either. One can have deep and meaningful conversations without divulging all the secrets lurking in one’s back closet.+

  3. Betty says:

    I’ve been thinking about your recent blog and have gone back to read it several times and also the scripture portion. The scripture portion is clearly speaking about believers and unbelievers – not only in marriage, but in business, and anywhere that you might have to work closely and in agreement with an unbeliever.

    As to a relationship with a believer not walking in the Spirit, one would certainly not want to go to them for advice or mentoring. We become what we spend time with.

    It is always a bad idea to discuss domestic and personal problems – one on one – with someone of the opposite sex (non-family) and in a non-professional situation. A little sympathy and understanding can quickly turn into something deeper and inappropriate because of the vulnerability of the individuals.

    There are very few people that I would feel I could talk to about a problem. I would have to know what their daily walk is like and how protected my conversation would be with them. Someone has said that there is an answer to every problem and situation in the Bible. “There is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother…” “What a friend we have in Jesus…”

    I still want to check some passages to see if they might apply, but it is too late tonight. Thanks for making me think and dig into the Word.

    Good night Love always, Mom

  4. Marilou says:


  5. Thank you so much for writing this post!! I am in a unequal yoked relationship that should’ve been ended a long time ago but I just keep enduring because he has a mental illness and I don’t think anyone can put up with him the way I do. It’s horribly daunting on me and it wears on me so much. I thought that God put me in his life because I’m strong and I can endure quite abit. He’s sick and God doesn’t want him to be alone (at least that’s what my thoughts say). What is the Christian thing to do? I made a committment to this relationship even though we are not married. Where & when do I draw the line?

    • Angela C says:

      I can relate to this. Have you been lead to break off the relationship?

      • hisdaughter2 says:

        I have in dating relationships and although I married a believer, we were in different stages of spiritual maturity. THANKFULLY as time passed, the gap has closed, but it had brought some challenges along the way. I have also learned to be very careful who I choose to draw close to in friendships and to what level I confide to certain people. In ways do can you relate?

      • Angela C says:

        In your original 2011 post, you stated: “I just keep enduring because he has a mental illness and I don’t think anyone can put up with him the way I do. It’s horribly daunting on me and it wears on me so much. I thought that God put me in his life because I’m strong and I can endure quite a bit.” This is what I can relate to. My boyfriend does believe in God, but has no desire to go to church and uses curse words frequently. It’s not my place, but I wonder if he has truly “souled-out” to Jesus. He also has mental issues that include depression. Thanks for your reply.

  6. JUNE says:

    I personally agree with God, that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, either in marriage or the unsaved. If you apply this Scripture to Psalm 1 v 1 “blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly” the Lord is saying to His children/saints/believers that anyone who is unsaved CANNOT give us sound advise/instructions. It is only those who are walking in the Spirit of God who we should be talking to about any of our problems/cares/concerns – why? because any believer should be encouraging their brehtren to only what the Word of God says. Any ungodly person will NEVER be able to be of true spiritual help to us.
    At the end of the day, any ungodly person (unsaved) can only offer the advise from the worldly point of view/opinion.
    Yes, it is okay to have ungodly friends but we must be very careful that it does not end up that it is they who end up influencing our minds and spirits, and we leave out God. Only by the Spirit of God can a believer be assisted. Gods will is that we walk and talk according to His Word – the world will do its best to draw us away. Remember, God says in His Word – Romans 8v7 “because the carnal mind is enmity against God”.
    The ungodly mean well to us (most of the time) but the fact of the bible is they are in the flesh and do not have the gift of the Holy Spirit, so the ungodly ARE at enmity against God and so cannot be of any true biblical help to any believer who is God fearing and following Christ.
    I am married to an unsaved man. I do not ask for his advise over anything, as I know (regretably) that his mind IS at enmity against God; for he cares not for God or to follow Christ. But I do pray, read the Word and also seek advise from an older brother in the Lord.
    Living with my husband is very difficult to say the least, as I am daily aware that I am now living unuequally yoked to an unbeliever. And not I do not push God down his throat or bully him.
    I cannot change my husband, but am trusting that by my actions he will see God and that by the grace of God, the Holy Spirit will bring him to godly sorrow, working to godly repentance of his sins towards God.
    I have also biblically seperated from those who say they “believe/christian” but their lives show
    no good fruit according to the Word of God. It seems that they talk the talk but do not walk the walk. There is a Scripture that says in Isaiah 29v13 / Matthew 15v8 about honoring with our lips but our heart being far from God. Sometimes, there is a cost in following Jesus Christ.
    I believe that when any believer starts to see sin as God sees all sin and starts to love the good and hate the sin as we are told about by God then this scripture in Corinthians will suddenly come
    alive in our spirit and we will understand excactly what God is saying to us about being unequally yoked with infadel/unbelievers.
    Ask yourself? Who did Jesus Christ truly spend more time with – the disciples or the ungodly?

    May the Lord bless you as you seek His truth through His Word.

    • hisdaughter2 says:

      Thank you very much for your comments. I can only imagine the difficulty to be married to an unbeliever and I so admire your willingness to live in a way that would draw your husband to the Lord. What a beautiful picutre of submission to God and your commitment to your marriage. I pray that He will continue to give you that resolve and encourage you daily.

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