I Give Up.

My house is such a mess and it has been for months, but it just seems that is has gotten exponentially worse these last couple weeks.  We’ve been through a room remodel for about 3 months, then my husband constructed and painted several 8 ft tall stage props to resemble the buildings of Venice which took over our living room for a couple of weeks and now we have a large fish tank filled with dirt and worms in the middle of our dining room table that is the focus of my son’s science project… and who is taking care of these wiggly creatures??? me, of course.  Unfortunately, our dining room table is the only eating surface in our house, so we are forced to watch worms as we have dinner!  Who needs TV, right?!

Although I tried to keep up with housework with all of this activity and between working fulltime, mothering, and wife-ing…I have now given up.  There is no point as I make no ground in the endeavor.  I have tumbleweeds of hair rolling around my bathroom floor, toothpaste lining the sink bowl, and piles of laundry in various stages of needing attention – from sitting in the dryer, to a pile on the chair waiting to be folded, to laundry sitting in a basket so long that if I dumped the clothes out the collective pieces would retain the shape of the basket!

There is remnant of cat throw up on a chair that my family doesn’t care to touch and frankly I have since grown apathetic toward…hey it’s not a chair I sit in!  Dust has arranged itself in a decorative pattern on my french doors, finger prints dot the mirrors and 3 messy paint cans line a wall in my dining that I swear I’ve put away once before.  We have building supplies and old house parts on our front porch.  Old windows, nerf guns, and a brown Christmas wreath on our back porch.  Several weeks of the Bargain Bulletin and Neenah’s local paper litter our front walkway.

We ran out of peanut butter several days ago, used up the last two eggs an hour ago and are dangerously low on milk.  We do have a full loaf of bread though!  I’m fairly certain my grandpa lived on jelly, butter and bread, and I have all those…so hey, we’re good for lunches tomorrow.  What’s good for grandpa is good for the youngins.  The sad thing is, what will probably be my incentive to go to the store will be the soda I’m craving right now.

Now…before you rush right over with your left over bottle of Zoloft, know that I’m not depressed.  I’m just a mom…in the middle of life…moving past failures, trying to survive obscurity and my failed attempts of pretense and human approval.  Leaving your meds at home, you of course are welcome to come over, but please leave your judgements at the door…my house is not clean, or orderly, or relaxing and probably won’t be for another 7 years.  But I will offer you some coffee, or a soda (if I make it to the store), and we’ll sit in our office on vomit-free chairs, and maybe if we close the dusty french doors we can temporarily shut out reality.

Not really going anywhere spiritually with this and just now am trying to think of scripture that would relate to it…and the verse “Jesus wept” came to mind or my Bible happens to be open to Isaiah 61:4 which says “And they shall rebuild the old ruins, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations.”  In all seriousness, I’m thankful to have a house, and a family to make it messy and I’m told some day I’ll wish I still had lego’s strategically placed in battle formation on my nightstand by my son who prefers to play in our bedroom over his or I’ll wish to come across one of my daughter’s various craft and writing projects laying about with no real hopes of being reclaimed.  Dear Father, I give up… thanks to you for this mess.

About hisdaughter2

A daughter of the King only through His love and grace.
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